themusemanor | PSL - Caroline Forbes | Jenna Sommers --> And we haven't learned

When Caroline had found out about Jenna's turning, she wasn't anywhere near the plane of happiness. Being turned meant everything changed; your perception of things and people, the way you related, and the way you were. She didn't like thinking that Jenna hadn't been given the choice that Caroline, herself, was never given before she woke up and found herself in transition.

The one thing she was grateful for, however, was the fact that Elena had enough sense to ensure that Jenna transitioned with people who could help her around her, and that she wasn't going to let Damon anywhere near her like she did when Caroline was turning at the carnival. She wanted to be what Stefan was to her; Jenna's little bunny tour guide. They might not be as close, but Elena wouldn't be able to properly help Jenna like she would. Elena, after all, wasn't undead.

She walked up to the Salvatore boarding house, feeling a sense of dread. Every time she approached it, after all those memories came stampeding back into view, she always felt uncomfortable about the building. Even when it was Stefan home alone, she was always on edge. What Damon did to her, and what she allowed him to do under his compulsion, was something she would never be able to wash away. As she approached the door, she inhaled, feeling nervous. If she stuffed this up, Elena would never forgive her. Jenna would never forgive her. "You can do this, Caroline," she told herself, and with another deep inhale, she knocked on the door twice before opening it, sticking her head in to see if anyone was in sight.

And there was Jenna. Caroline was hoping for some time to speak to Stefan or Mr Saltzman before she met up with Jenna. She needed that buffer to calm her nerves away. She entered the house, closing the door softly behind her, and said, just as softly, "Hey."

The emotions, the feelings, were only part of it. Jenna was now beginning to realize something worse: she remembered things she couldn't account for, things she hadn't before. Bits and pieces were coming back to her, like a jigsaw puzzle being slowly nudged into place. It all made her head hurt and she was trying desperately to ignore the sensation of being completely alone and totally overwhelmed when the door opened and Caroline walked in.

"Hey," she answered, stopping in the middle of the entranceway with a tense smile. They were both going to be nervous about this, both unsure of what to do and how to deal with this. At least Caroline had experience on her side. Jenna was still trying to figure out what to do with herself now. She clasped her hands nervously in front of her.

"Thanks for coming to do this. It means a lot to me."

And to Elena. No one would be better, except maybe Stefan. But he was busy. So the responsibility fell to Caroline.

"Do you... want to go take a walk? Because I'd really rather not be here."

The house was giving her the creeps. But she wasn't the teacher here, so she'd follow whatever Caroline wanted.

Caroline nodded, retracing her footsteps to open the front door. She stepped outside and waited for Jenna, her hands clasped together.

All she had to do was be like Stefan; do what he did for her, but less with the serious, broody look he wore on Tuesdays. She wasn't sure if Jenna wanted to go anywhere that was populated; perhaps that wouldn't be the smart choice. It was too tempting, as Caroline could recall, and she felt that that would only make Jenna more anxious than she already was. "We could go to the old Lockwood property, if you didn't have any place in mind."

Only if she didn't have a specific place in mind. All Caroline could think of was 'What would Stefan do?' The last thing she wanted to do was pull a Caroline and mess this up.

Jenna pulled the door shut behind them, nodding at Caroline's suggestion. It sounded better than anything she could have come up with. The sun was still shining down on them and Jenna subconsciously rubbed her wrist, where her Daywalking pendant was hooked onto her bracelet. Bonnie had been kind enough to spell it for her and she knew better than to ever take it off. But being out in the sun for the first time since she'd been turned was weird.

Shaking that off, she turned to follow the other girl. "Sure. That's way on the other side of town, though, isn't it?"

"Yeah," she gave her a grin. "If you're up for the walk, it's a great place for -" Bambi hunting, she wanted to say, or Thumper, but she felt that was a bit too morbid. "It's a good place to get your bearings," she supplemented. Perhaps easing into that would be best; she didn't exactly take to eating bunnies very well when Stefan told her in his broody Thursday voice. But Jenna had been thrust into this world very quickly and for a very traumatising reason. Caroline didn't understand why Katherine had turned her in the first place, but she felt as though they couldn't compare experiences; hers didn't quite match up.

"It's quiet, and kind of abandoned. Less tempting than the town square," she continued. Perhaps explaining it a little bit would help convince Jenna. However, it was ultimately up to her. Caroline was against big crowds, for it was too overwhelming, but Jenna knew her limits better than Caroline did. She always trusted her judgement.

Jenna nodded, rubbing her wrist a little bit more before letting it drop. "Yeah, sure. That sounds good. Better than me running into..." People. Things. Questions she didn't want to answer yet. "Lead on. You know where it is better than I do."

She'd never really had a reason to spend much time there anyway. She wanted to ask how Caroline dealt with being a vampire, all of these urges and feelings, but she figured that would come with time, so she let it drop for the moment.

Caroline started moving. "Do you want to drive or -" She figured Jenna might like control over something, and Caroline figured driving to their destination might give her some sense of normalcy. Besides, she wasn't quite sure if Jenna trusted her driving.

Running there was out of the question. She wanted Jenna to feel as normal - as Jenna, not a vampire - as possible.

"Yeah, sure." Jenna at least had her wallet and license still. It helped that at least she could get away with still being herself. For now. She headed for her car, which someone had carted over the other day, probably Elena, while Jenna was still dealing with the aftermath of transitioning and what had happened with the ritual. Unlocking the door, she got in, taking a deep breath before she started it.

"Caroline... Do you ever get used to the whole sunlight thing? It feels like I should be afraid of it, and I am, but nothing's happening. It's... weird."

Caroline followed, staying behind Jenna. She got into the passenger seat and silently buckled herself in. Just because they had eternity didn't mean they should ignore road safety!

She paused for a moment, mulling over the question. Keeping her eyes straight on the scenery of the Salvatore Boarding House gardens, she thought over the question. Sometimes, she felt like her normal self, walking in the sun with her friends, and at other times, she knew that she was bending the rules. Her very existence was now an abomination. Her defying the laws of the creature she was made her feel like she was in a niche pocket. It never got easier; for someone who had experienced the burning sensation a few times prior to Bonnie stubbornly giving her rather ugly ring, she still expected the sun to turn her into ash every day. It was a feeling she knew she'd never forget.

She had never been a very good liar. "No. I still feel the sting of it every time I wake up and walk out into it. I know I should burn but ..." She trailed off, glancing at Jenna. "I think that if you've never felt the sun and how it eats at your flesh, then you can get used to it. I still flinch, sometimes."

It was also habit for them by now. Jenna buckled herself in and took a deep breath before she got the car into gear and started backing down the long drive. Her skin prickled every time they passed through a patch of sunlight, as though every particle of her being knew she wasn't supposed to be out here.

"Yeah... I guess." She didn't like the implications anyway and shot Caroline an apologetic look for bringing up bad memories. "Sorry."

But she really had no idea what to do as they drove down the road, or what to say. This was an entirely new existence for her and she felt weird. She didn't belong here anymore.

"But you... You've been in school since then, right? How do you keep up your normal life?"

Caroline wasn't even sure of the response to her question. She kept her gaze out the window for a few moments, taking in Mystic Falls, seeing it so much brighter than she would've if she were still human. She turned to Jenna, resting her gaze on her. "I pretend I'm still me. Which is stupid. Damon will tell you that. But I just ... ignore it." She glanced down at the gearstick before resting her gaze on her lap. That was a safe place to look. She didn't tell anyone how she dealt with being a vampire, how she could go from being tortured by werewolves to being her peppy, bossy self the next day. She felt as though Jenna might be disappointed in her answer. "It's how I deal with anything bad. Pretend it never happened, pretend I'm still me when everything I used to like seems so dumb right now."

Jenna barely had an answer for that. It made sense to her, really it did, but somehow it was a little morbid. As she turned a corner, she reached over with one hand to give one of Caroline's a reassuring squeeze.

"Sounds pretty brave, if you ask me," she told the girl. "I don't know if I could do that."

The trouble was that she might not have much of a choice. Like being a vampire, dealing with what she was now might not be her choice.

"Damon doesn't know what he's talking about."

As much as she knew he'd been a very important part of keeping Elena safe and alive, Jenna still couldn't help disliking him on principle. The guy was far too unstable to trust.

Edited 2012-05-25 21:14 (UTC)

Caroline and Jenna may have that one thing in common: none of this was their choice. If Caroline had been asked if she wanted to be fed on continuously while human, she would've said no. If asked about turning into a vampire, she would've politely declined. Being a vampire wasn't exactly the best thing that had happened to Caroline, but it was something she had come to terms with being. She liked who she was now, sans the dietary requirements, the limitations, and the lores, but the person she was (as she still believed she was very much one) was someone she figured she could grow to love.

She appreciated Jenna's gesture. No one really took notice of Caroline or anything she did or said, and she was starting to realise that perhaps her actions and words might have an affect on someone else. She knew that Jenna would be capable of embracing it, rather than pretending it didn't exist. Didn't she step up and take care of Jeremy and Elena? She was always jealous of them having someone who continued to fight to get to know them.

Caroline couldn't help but crack a grin. "He's a major douchebag," she glanced at Jenna. "Sorry," she said, referring to her language. Her mother wasn't a big fan of it, hence why she made a show of saying everything her mother disliked, and doing everything she disliked. It was the only way to get her to pay attention.

"Why are you apologizing?" Jenna asked with a grin as she returned her hand to the steering wheel. "I'm the one who used to call--" It felt disrespectful somehow to call John a jackass again after what he'd done to save Elena's life. Jenna paused and rerouted her train of thought. "--people jackasses to their face. Granted, I was drunk half the time." But it still counted.

Caroline wasn't capable of offending Jenna. She'd seen and heard and done so many things over her life before she became Jeremy and Elena's legal guardian that it was often far too easy for her to forget that the rest of the world didn't operate like that. Liz Forbes probably didn't like her daughter using language like that, but as far as Jenna was concerned, it was an accurate description for a person like Damon.

"Habit," she said, feeling a touch embarrassed. "My mom isn't a big fan of me saying certain words. Or being honest, really." No one really liked Caroline being honest. She's sure that Jenna had heard of Elena complain about her, or Bonnie, her biggest fan when it came to her 'insensitivity', go on and on about how Caroline didn't understand that words hurt. She did, very, very much. She learned the hard way that the silence hurt the most.

"If you've ever said Logan Fell was a jackass, he was," she glanced at Jenna, grinning. She'd heard Jenna calling Logan a few names, but Caroline wasn't quite sure if they were pet names or the complete opposite. But her admiration for the journalist had fallen into the mud. The side of her head hurt with ghost pain of meeting the window of his car. "I never realised how much of one he was until he ended up turning into a psycho vampire."

"Yeah well, parents can be the worst for your ego," Jenna answered, her tone tinged with understanding. She certainly knew how that could be, especially when you had a sibling who was much preferred.

Of course, the rest of the conversation derailed her thoughts completely and she shot Caroline a disbelieving look. "Wait, Logan Fell was a vampire?" She hadn't known about that, but suddenly it made so much sense. "Oh my God, that explains why he kept trying to convince me to let him into the house that last time or how creepy he was acting at Career Night last year." It really explained so much.

"Too bad that doesn't excuse the rest of his life. Scumfell."

Nope, definitely not a pet name.

Caroline couldn't help but laugh. By the sound of it, Logan wasn't admitted entrance. She was glad, though. Logan didn't seem like a big threat to her, but he was after something. It was most likely vengeance.

"He kind of wanted to get back at my mom for something. So he kind of kidnapped me and - I don't know. I didn't know he was a vampire until after I turned and kind of pieced everything together. He's dead now." She frowned, and tacked on, "For real."

To pick up the mood, and to allow admittance into the Hating Scumfell Club, Caroline glanced out the window and said, her mouth threatening to curve into a smile, "I guess the creepiness was an amplified trait of his."

Caroline's laugh at least got Jenna to smile through it all. It was strange to think of Logan as dead, but him being a vampire made so much more sense than anything else she'd been able to come up with before that. Still, she hadn't wanted him to die and she felt a little guilty for being so happy that he was gone.

"We have that in common, then." This whole being lied to thing sucked. Jenna made a note then and there not to lie to anyone if she could help it.

"It probably was. He just never showed it to me until he turned. Then again, the guy cheated on me. I should have seen it back then."

Scumfell.

"Sometimes love makes you do stupid things," Caroline found herself saying. She looked out the windshield, her tone a little wistful, because wasn't that the basis of everything? Damon was hard because of love. Stefan was selfless because of it. And Caroline was afraid of losing herself in it when she could barely keep a hold of who she was, now that she became so close to losing that.

"Or really cute guys. I used to have a crush on him." And that seemed to explain a lot; Caroline always liked the guys who were never quite good for her - even if she had no chance with Logan Scumfell, she felt like she made a point. Once in a while, she chose the good ones - and was disappointed in the end, anyway.

Jenna paused long enough to pull up and make sure the car was in a decent place before she glanced at Caroline again. She understood the love part - it was her love for Alaric that made everything hurt so much - but the idea that Caroline had once had a crush on Logan was something else entirely.

"Be glad you didn't go to school with him. The guy was a sleezy scumball even then."

And yet she'd fallen for his charms. Twice.

"At least we're even on that score." Jenna sighed wearily and let her gaze fall on the trees outside the car. Everything felt so different now. She could hear things she'd never noticed before, birds chirping in trees that weren't anywhere near them - and she could hear it through solid glass. The car smells were particularly potent at the moment, but she was trying to ignore those. She even thought she could hear the faint heartbeat of the birds, but she wasn't sure about that. It was a lot to take in, a lot to get used to, especially the blood part, and she wondered if she ever could get used to it all.

Caroline nodded, if only to herself, and looked out the car as she let the conversation settle for now. She wasn't quite sure how to go about this, being someone else's Giles to their Buffy. Stefan was good at this, with his amplified empathy, but Caroline wasn't sure her and her unfiltered, neurotic ways would be beneficial to Jenna in the beginning. She hadn't been at this long enough; she was still in the training wheel stage.

She turned to her, gaze driving from the wheel to Jenna's profile to out the driver's side window. "Are you sure you want to do this today?" Honestly, she was asking herself more than she was asking Jenna. But pushing her was one thing she didn't want to do; coming here was one big step, taking in the sounds, the scents, what they were here to do. Doing it, though, was another larger one she wasn't sure anyone would ever be ready to take.

Part of Jenna wanted to say no, she wasn't ready. Part of her wanted to turn tail and return to the Salvatore House, but it was a very small part, a part she was doing her best to drown out. She knew herself; if she went back without giving this a shot now, she'd never manage it. And then she could never face Elena. Or Jeremy. As scared as she was about this whole new step to her life -- Unlife. Afterlife? -- Jenna knew she had to take it.

She took a deep breath before she turned back to Caroline. Pursing her lips, she nodded firmly. "Yeah. I have to do it. I can't let myself see Elena until I can control... all of this." Already she missed Elena and Ric, but working on dealing with feeding and her control was the most important thing she could do at that moment.

She had to do this. For everyone's sake.

PSL - Caroline Forbes | Jenna Sommers --> And we haven't learned

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/slowest of the slow

i like slow. ♥

i am lucky and in good hands then. ♥

♥!

♥!