themusemanor | PSL - Helen Magnus | Ashley Magnus --> Take my hand

[ Helen had actually managed to finish her business quickly. The reservations had been simple (dropping her name had cleared a private table) and all that was left was leaving a note for Will regarding an abnormal pick up and tidying away her files - it was all something that she could read later, and something that she could leave without a worry.

When the knock on the door came Helen put down the file that had been in her hand, giving Ashley a smile ]

You are right on time. Are you ready?

Didn't expect me to be late for this, did you?

[ she grinned, teasingly. ] Yep. All ready when you are.

Not at all. [ Helen gave her a smile, putting her phone into her pocket she stepped round from her desk, crossing the room to Ashley ]

Then let's go. I made the reservation for 7, which will give us enough time for whatever it is that you want to do.

[ This was your day, Ashley, and all your choice ]

[ ashley just gave her a smile. ]

How about we start with a walk around Old City? [ they didn't do nearly enough of that. and it might be a good start to the evening. just walking and talking.. and then eating and talking. ashley could deal with that. ]

That sounds lovely.

[ And not what she'd expected - she'd thought that Ashley would take complete advantage of the situation ]

Do you have anywhere in particular that you'd like to go?

[ And out of her office they went ]

Not really. [ all she really wanted was a chance to be with her mother outside of their normal sanctuary stuff. it was a good distraction, a little bonding time they needed. ]

We could start here and head for the small shops and talk while we go.

[ she had an idea for a topic, but didn't want to bring it up right away. ]

Of course. [ She would say lovely again but it would be a little repetitive; but it was lovely ]

Lead the way.

[ Helen followed Ashley out, locking up the Sanctuary and main gates once they'd gotten out into Old City. She was interested to see where Ashley would take her ]

[ ashley was quiet for a while as they walked down to the gates. she had questions, sure, things she wanted to know, but they were things she didn't know how to bring up, things her mother hadn't been the one to introduce her to. for now, she turned in a different direction than one they usually took, wanting to just... walk. for once. ]

What was it like... coming here, starting the Sanctuaries?

[ she'd heard variations of the story, more tidbits than anything else, over the course of her life, but she was always curious... and she didn't want to ruin the mood with heavy stuff just yet. ]

My father actually created the first Sanctuary, although then it wasn't know as that. [ The Old City one had been modelled on his design after he'd gone missing on his trip, as more than a simple rememberance of hime ]

The first official Sanctuary is the London Sanctuary. After I left England to expand the Network James took over the running of it, something that we'd been doing together since the beginning.

[ The late ninteenth century was when they had taken in their first patient, and had still been in the process of setting it up. And they still barely knew anything ]

He was a good partner in crime to have around. [ at least, before ashley had come into the picture. ] Think we could go visit sometime?

[ That amused her. Helen had never thought of James that way, or rather with those words but... different times ]

Of course. England is a part of you. [ And it was a shame she'd not been yet ]

Doesn't quite feel like it, yet. What was your favorite part about it? [ england, she means. details. she'll work up to oxford later. ]

You haven't yet been. [ As if that was the answer, although it may have been ]

England? [ Helen paused, giving it a little thought. Her favourite part? It was an easy question ] It's home. [ And her smile emphasised that ] I've travelled a lot, and even being in Old City for as long as I have? It has become home, but London was where I grew up. A lot may have changed but it could never change the feeling that I have for it. [ And she had far more good memories there than any negative ones ]

Kind of like Old City is to me. Can't imagine living anywhere else.

[ except she could. she had the whole world in front of her, though for now she was content to stay and help her mother with her abnormal work. ]

I thought that at first also.

[ But she'd had longer to get used to it, but granted she'd spent most of her life in England first ]

But perhaps we'll start with visiting?

[ ... she was not ready for you to move, Ashley ]

[ lucky for helen, ashley had no intentions of moving any time soon. ]

That sounds good. Maybe I'll like it better with a good guide.

[ sideways smile. okay this is nice. weird. but nice. ]

[ Good. She'd actually worry more if Ashley lived anywhere but the Sanctuary even if it were still in Old City ]

If I still remember where to go. [ She's kidding. Mostly ] No doubt a lot has changed since I was last there.

You haven't been gone that long.

[ except she has and ashley knows it. ]

Just don't get us lost in Paris somehow.

[ Flattery gets your everywhere, dear daughter. Or at least keeps her mood lovely ]

Getting lost in Paris? I couldn't do that. [ Although if she was lost she would claim that she wasn't and just enjoy it ] I wouldn't have gone with Paris, however.

[ which is part of why she's doing it! ]

Then where would you go? That's not London.

In France specifically? Somewhere quieter. [ It may not have appealed much to Ashley but she did ask where Helen herself would go ] There's a lot to see there, although the same could be said for many places.

You always were more of a quiet town person. [ ashley liked being kept busy. large cities were more her thing, even though she'd grown up here in old city. ]

Well, what about in Europe, not just France?

It makes a nice change from our work. [ And even though generally she preferred being busy (boring didn't suit her) have quiet moments, just ones to herself was nice. A simple walk through a town, taking it in? That was what she preferred in the alternative; she was still doing something ]

I've been to many places, most of them before you were born. [ She'd travelled occasionally since but only for work - to lecture or to pick up an abnormal, not for pleasure since ]

There are many things that I'd like to see again.

Then you should go back. Maybe we both could. [ ashley glanced away, focusing on a point in front of them. ] Maybe we could talk more about your times there. [ and about england and oxford... and other things. ]

One day. [ But Helen gave a nod - she'd like to focus on one trip (and one relaxing day) at a time first; they still had a lot upcoming before they could go anywhere ]

Do you have anything in particular for that? [ You are treading in careful water ]

[ she knows. so she takes it carefully. ]

Anything you'd want to tell me.

[ she's just... tired of finding out important things from other people, especially psychopathic biological fathers. ]

[ Helen's quiet for a moment, not quite certain where to start but also hoping that Ashley knows that there will be limits to her questions; London may have been home, may have been where her heart lay but it was also where the worst part of her life also shared a home. And all of it came together ]

I spent a third of my life in London before moving. I had travelled, seen several places but had never settled anywhere. Old City was the first place that I did that in. [ It hadn't been the second Sanctuary but it had been the first place that she'd stayed in for a time ]

Perhaps it would be easier for you to ask? [ Because she knows that there are specific questions that Ashley has, especially now. Even a general area for her to speak on would help if not a question ]

[ ashley falls silent for a moment. there's one question she wants to ask, a simple question with a very complicated answer. and she's not quite sure how to bring it up. ]

I'm not that good at questions.

[ which is true... to a point. ]

But you do have one. [ Helen knew her daughter well enough, especially with the information that Ashley had learned recently - information that she knew would spurn more questions. And those questions were something that Helen knew that she would have to answer even if it pained her. And by opening herself a little, broaching the topic? It would be a little easier, and would let Ashley know that she could ask ]

[ oh she had one all right. it was one she'd had since she found out, one they hadn't really addressed outside of ashley expressing her anger that helen hadn't been the one to tell her about her father. ashley had always known there were secrets in her mother's past - and there were things she didn't honestly want to know - but her lineage, her father's existence... that sort of information she'd been hurt to find out from someone else and the revelation of such a secret her mother had been keeping from her had been a painful thing to bear. ]

Why didn't you tell me?

[ unable to be more tactful, ashley finally just blurted out the first thing on her mind. ]

[ Helen gave a small nod when she heard it, knowing that that would be the question. It was the only question that Ashley had really wanted to know since John had appeared and Helen had been selfishly taking her time trying to find a way to word it. Helen lead Ashley to a bench, prefering to want to sit and stay to explain it to her

Helen was silent for a moment even once they'd sat, studying her daughter's face. She hoped that she'd at least be given a chance to explain because her reason? It needed it ]

To protect you.

[ It's all that Helen ever wanted to do but with this Helen knew that she'd failed and she'd failed drastically ]

[ ashley wanted nothing more than to understand her mother's reasons, her motivation behind the whole thing. she was glad they could talk about it, but at the same time, part of her felt that it was a discussion that should have happened a long time ago.

she sat down on the other edge of the bench, resting her arms on her legs as she waited. this would likely be hard on them both and she'd known that going in. but it was something she needed to hear. ]

Protect me from what?

[ she could think of a lot of abnormals her mother would like to keep her from, but very few other people and that worried her. what could be so terrible as to make her mother lie to her? ]

From John.

[ It was the first time that Helen had ever really said it aloud. James had always known, he'd been there for her originally, had frozen the embryo and finally reimplanted it. He'd never said anything but she'd known him enough to know what he was thinking, things that he'd thought over a century ago.

Will had figure out the truth about Ashley's paternity and knew who John was but that was only cold details - he didn't know her emotions regarding it all, he didn't know how much she'd fought both then and now to protect Ashley. And he hadn't seen this ]

I don't know what he told you, and I'm not going to ask but he was a large part of my past - part of Oxford. And there's far more than him simply being your father.

[ the answer didn't surprise her. somehow, she'd known that was part of it. for a while ashley didn't answer, turning over her mother's words in her head as they sat there and looking at her hands, which she clasped in front of her. helen might not have wanted to ask, but ashley would tell.

no more secrets. ]

He told me about the five of you, how you studied at Oxford together and made this... blood serum that changed your physiology. He told me enough so that I'd tell him where you were so we could go save you from that Tesla guy.

[ she paused for a few seconds, fighting back the emotion of that day. she could still see it clearly, how he'd talked her through, put her in danger, all to get her to see the danger her mother was supposedly in. ]

He didn't tell me who my father was. But he knew me. [ in the way that only someone who feels similar things for similar reasons can... as a parent to a child. ] I figured it out from what he said.

[ Helen gave a small nod, hating just how many lies she'd told Ashley about her past - she hadn't needed to, not all of them at least ]

We did exactly that.

[ And of course James had been there, the only one that Ashley had ever known - his story had been a little easier and closer to the truth than her own had been ]

What we did changed so many things, more than just our physiologies and some of those things... they were worse than what we'd original done.

[ The serum, John's ability, his mind... her blood followed making things far from better and it had all spiralled. And she'd been the center of it all ]

I never told him of you even then. When he appeared at the Sanctuary? It was the first that I had seen of him for a long time.

[ But clearly not the first that he'd seen of her - of them ]

[ ashley finally sat back a little and turned so she could face her mother a bit more. this was what she'd wanted to know, but even so... it was hard to hear. ]

You really thought he was gone. [ it wasn't a question. at least that much she could believe. somehow, she knew her mother wouldn't have lied about that. ]

You know, I wondered why you didn't shoot him, why you let him teleport me into that cage. [ but then she'd found out who he was and it all made sense now. ]

Why him? [ okay, getting into more personal details here, but ashley's greatest issue now was that she didn't want to be anything like him. she wanted to be her own self, more like her mother, but the more she found out about john, the more of himself he showed to her, the more she realized she was exactly like him. and she hated that. ]

[ Helen nodded. She had hoped, dearly hoped and had ignored the part of her that wondered and doubted if he was - with Ashley she was happier than she'd been in a long time

She closed her eyes at Ashley's mention of when he'd first appeared, of when he'd threatened the both of them. She had wanted to, even needed to but the part that had wanted to help him before, the part that still had then hadn't been able to let her. And she'd placed Ashley further in danger by her inability

Her next question took a moment for Helen to be able to answer. James had asked once and she'd been unable, or rather had refused to answer but for Ashley? She would force herself to, make it be worded ]

I loved him dearly, before any of this happened. [ She wasn't going to mention that he was her first love, it was a little too personal, or how part of her had been unable to let go of that, which was again personal - and not the right thing to say ] After finding out about John, about what had happened? I could never have terminated you.

[ As for eventually bringing Ashley to term? She could have gone elsewhere, found another method but... those weren't options to her. She'd never allowed herself to find love, not truly. She'd gotten close to others in the past but hadn't allowed anything to be serious - through fear as much as being a little closed off. As for just 'getting it done'? It wouldn't have been right - a child should be born in love and at the time Ashley had been ]

You were my daughter - you always were.

So he wasn't always like that?

[ oddly enough, this revelation provided a solace for ashley, a small piece of hope to cling to that if he wasn't always that bad, maybe she wouldn't turn out like him. she turned a little more towards her mother, hesitating. ]

I'm glad. [ both for not having been terminated as an embryo - or however early she'd been at that point - and for being her mother's daughter. she loved helen with everything she had and no matter the distance between them or the terrible secrets helen had kept from her, ashley would always love her mother. they'd always had each other and she hoped they always would.

taking a deep breath, ashley reached over to take her mother's hand and give it a squeeze, as much in reassurance as gratitude that helen had trusted her enough to give her the truth. ]

Thank you.

No.

[ The word was quiet, her eyes closing as the conversation brought back memories that she usually tried to shut off; the memories that made her love him. The memories that now hurt the most after everything that had happened after that

Oh she wanted her to know, wanted her to know how wonderful he had been. She'd seen a small glimmer of it when they'd found her in Rome but it hadn't entirely been the same. But for all that Helen wanted Ashley to know, all that she wished she could have known John like that? It dug too deeply at her

It took Helen a moment to feel the squeeze on her hand, her mind too deep in her memories. She opened her eyes, looking at Ashley as she took her hand in her own, giving her a small (but sad) smile ]

You can always ask what you need.

[ Because with her judgement? It would no doubt be quicker than waiting to be told ]

[ she had other questions, other vague ideas she wanted to gloss over at some point, but even ashley had some small measure of tact. now was not the time for those other subjects. now was a time to realize how much this subject had affected her mother and how much they needed to steer away from it now. ashley had the answers that were important to her; everything else could be let go for another day, if at all.

and so ashley stood up, still holding her mother's hand as she gave it a gentle tug. had she been the hugging type, she might've been tempted to wrap her arms around helen to dispel the sadness she saw in her mother's eyes. but she wasn't. instead, she was attempting to bury her own sadness so she could cheer up the most important person in her life. ]

So. Alfredo's. Think they'd let us get there a little early?

PSL - Helen Magnus | Ashley Magnus --> Take my hand

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