themusemanor | PSL - Aqua | Helen Magnus ---> weary traveler rest your head

Life hasn't been kind for some time, if you were to ask Aqua. Even though she still had every belief that she'd done the right thing, every day in the Realm of Darkness made it a little harder to hope. Every day it was a little harder to remember what it had been like to see the sun, or even believe that she would ever find her way home. Honestly, even what little her Wayfinder offered was less hope and more a reminder that there was still a reason to fight on.

She couldn't have said how she managed to stumble across the point between one realm and another. She'd long since stopped wishing - over even hoping - that she'd simply find one, for one thing. For another, she happened to be asleep at the time, and as such barely noticed when the shift between worlds dropped her neatly off in the lower levels of the Sanctuary.

(Honestly, she wasn't even aware that the Sanctuary was a thing that existed.)

She sleeps on. The cold stone floor offers little comfort, but so too have any of the other places she's slept this past decade. It'll do, and she has no idea that several floors above, proximity alarms are going off in response to her unintended intrusion.

The alarms suddenly sounding from the basement aren't part of Helen's planned day. She moves quickly, grabbing a stunner from the wall in the main lab where she'd been working, and heads out to the deep bowels of the Sanctuary, where that alarm is coming from. No one else is nearby enough to help and she doesn't want them to come down anyway.

Reaching the catacombs, she pauses at the sight of the young woman on the floor. Appearing human, aside from the bright blue hair, might be a good thing for her, but Helen knows better than to judge by looks. She takes the time to reset the alarm so no one else will come running down here before she slowly approaches the body. The woman's breathing and seems alive, but Helen isn't taking chances. She kneels down close enough to speak with her, but not so close that she's in danger of being struck should the woman wake up in a fit of panic or anger.

"Hello? Are you all right?"

And wake she does. She's grown so used to waking at the slightest noise that it would have been more surprising if she hadn't woken. She doesn't really recognize Helen's voice as a voice either - she's been so long in the darkness with only her thoughts to comfort her that she's forgotten what it's like to hear someone else's voice.

Instead, she rolls away and up to her feet in one smooth motion, eyes snapping open as she does. It's immediately clear that this isn't the realm of darkness, but that doesn't mean she knows where it is. The fact that Helen is a stranger doesn't much help either, although the fact that Helen isn't obviously armed does help. Oh, Aqua is very definitely holding herself tense and wary, but she doesn't seem to actually be panicking.

Admittedly, she's not really answering the question just yet either, but she's not showing any signs of not understanding the basics of the situation.

Helen can't really blame the young woman for being wary. She herself is wary of this situation, but she stands slowly once the woman is upright as well, lowering her weapon to show she has no hostile intent.

"My name is Dr. Helen Magnus," she begins slowly, watching for any signs of trouble. "Somehow you've made your way into my house." 'House' being a very loose term, but she doesn't really want to explain the Sanctuary just yet. "Are you all right? You were asleep when I found you."

There's a long moment of silence before Aqua actually says anything, and even then, the wariness isn't going anywhere fast. It's been too much a part of her life for too long to go anywhere.

"I... yes," she finally offers just when it looks as if the silence might have gone on to become almost uncomfortable. "I'm fine." Suffering distinctly from the sort of tiredness that comes from having something that's less proper sleep cycles and more an infinitely extending cycle of never-long-enough naps, and the need to continually and unceasing fight for one's own life, yes. But that is fine now. She is awake; she is functioning, and that will do. "I'm fine."

Helen might not have known the woman for very long, but she was very good at reading body language. "Forgive me for contradicting you, but you look anything but 'fine.' I can't imagine finding yourself here is very comforting." And her words less so.

"I'm not here to harm you." Her own body language echoed that and at least her tone was as friendly as it could be under the circumstances. "I tend to ask questions first and shoot only if a threat is uncovered. What I'd like to know is who you are and what you need. If you've been brought here by someone or are seeking Sanctuary, then I'd certainly like to speak with you to see what can be done for you. However, if you're attempting a covert infiltration of my Sanctuary in order to bring it to its knees, I must warn you: you will fail."

It may have seemed a harsh thing to say, but considering the situation of late, she didn't see how it could hurt to be careful. The last thing she wanted was to risk her Sanctuary over a random encounter.

It's more comforting than somewhere where her continued life depends on how well she spots Heartless sneaking up on her, but that's not a question that Aqua cares to mention. She doesn't even know if this... world? This Sanctuary? has heard of Heartless before and she isn't going to be the one to mention them. It'll make things safer, in the long run, for both herself and wherever this is. She'll have to remember to keep the Keyblade a secret as well, for now. There's too much to explain there.

The question about what she needs is a different one entirely. I good half of what she needs is tied up in what she wants, and past that most of her needs over the last decade have boiled down to simple animal needs. Food, shelter, safety (even if that last has been vanishingly hard to find). Sanctuary though... that she can get behind, even if she half expects to wake to find this nothing more a dream.

"It... would be nice to have somewhere safe," she offers hesitantly, as if she expects the offer to be pulled away when she least expect. As requests for sanctuary go it's hardly the most eloquent, but between the surprise and wariness Aqua's just glad she's been able to hold something like a conversation.

"Aqua," she offers as an afterthought. "My name's Aqua."

Those words are few, but they're a start. Helen smiles a little more encouragingly and finally steps backwards, an actual invitation for Aqua to follow her. "All right," she answers gently, sweeping an arm forward before she turns to lead on. "It's nice to meet you, Aqua. This way, please. I can take you to one of our guest rooms."

It would certainly be more comfortable than what Aqua had experienced in a long time. Helen could tell that much just by looking at her. The path they take is a back set of stairs, where they won't pass by the main lab. Helen doesn't know what Aqua's been exposed to, but she doesn't want to risk her other residents before she knows if she can trust this woman or not.

"I must warn you that everyone here has been granted some form of Sanctuary," she continued, choosing her words carefully. "They may look different, but they will not harm you."

She also made a note to bypass her Old Friend's room. He may have been doing well with his telepathic therapy, but she didn't want to take chances. Not yet. His existence was still too fragile.

After all the things Aqua's come across in her travels, abnormals are unlikely to be any great surprise. Not that she happens to know the sort of creatures that Helen takes in a regular basis, but it's not as if it matters. She isn't even particularly aware that they're taking a lesser-traveled path, for all that she wouldn't be surprised to learn. She's a stranger and she's technically intruding, despite the fact that she hasn't any idea how she so much as ended up here.

Still, the offer of a guest room is more than she'd really been expecting and she offers a nod of thanks all the same as she follows along behind Helen. She might also be checking the place for easy ways out, in the case of emergencies as well as places that look easily defensible, but that's only to be expected.

She does at least try to hide what she's up to, but it's not particularly hard to guess. Eventually, however, she actually breaks the somewhat-uneasy silence. "How many other people are here?" She doesn't expect she'll be given the full truth, or even a decent amount of the truth, but it's something, and that's a start.

Helen can't blame the younger woman for looking at the defenses and trying to find a way out if need be. Were she in Aqua's shoes, Helen would likely be doing the same thing. It just serves to drive home the idea that Aqua hasn't had an easy time of it lately, no chance or reason to truly relax. With any luck, her time spent in the Sanctuary would give her that chance and a sense of security she obviously lacked.

Deciding to count her Old Friend as a person in this, she answers after a slight pause to count, "Five. The building itself is large enough that you may not even see them if you'd prefer to remain hidden. I only ask that you at least allow me to speak with you every so often, mostly to check to see if there's anything you need." She refrained from mentioning the security cameras for the moment. Sometimes potential problems arose when people didn't know they were being watched, as they were unaware of the need to be sneaky to get away with anything. If something were to happen, Helen wanted to be able to catch it quickly and easily.

Not that she believed this woman would try anything, but 274 years of life had taught Helen to choose caution over trust.

Climbing out onto the ground floor of the residential area, she turned down a hallway and offered Aqua the first empty room they came across. "My room is down this hallway and my office is back the other way. If you need anything at all, you only have to ask."

Within any luck, yes. She might horribly miss her friends, once she finally has the time she needs to simply settle down and take things easy, but maybe something here will help figure out the problems she knows she'll still need to settle. The worlds have needed her for far too long, now, and she can't leave aside the duty that simply holding the Keyblade she bears signifies. For now, however, she's focusing on little more than Helen's gracious offer.

It's almost a relief to hear that there's barely more people in the Sanctuary than there'd been in the Land of Departure. It means that she won't have to interact with people all that much if she doesn't want to - something that may very much be a thing after her long isolation in the darkness. She doesn't directly comment on the answer, but she nods at it, mostly to herself.

(Helen would be right in assuming that Aqua isn't about to start anything, but Aqua wouldn't blame her for caution either, had she known.)

"I think this will be fine for now."

The Sanctuary itself is so large that if Aqua really wanted to avoid them all, she could do it with ease. For the moment, it seems the bed and room itself will be enough and Helen makes a note to keep an eye on Aqua if possible. She gives a firm nod and turns to leave.

"The door also locks, if you feel the need," she adds, almost as an afterthought. "No one will be allowed in if you'd rather be left alone."

Of course, Helen herself has a master key to every room in the Sanctuary, but it's not something she uses without good reason when someone's occupying one of those rooms. She hopes she won't have to use it on this room.

She shouldn't need to. For all that the Keyblade can both lock and unlock things, Aqua isn't likely to try and lock anyone out. Not when it would be more than a little rude, and the door locks on its own besides. It'll just take a moment or three to get used to everything that's been given to her all at once. Still, she doesn't let the sheer surprise of everything make her forget to be polite. Helen's opened her doors to her, so it's the least she can offer in return.

"I think this will be enough now. Thank you."

Helen nods once, firmly. "You're welcome." And then she turns to leave, letting Aqua get used to being here on her own. She makes a note to periodically check on the young woman just to be certain she doesn't need anything, but for now she wants Aqua to feel as though she's in control and she's safe. Those are the important things right now.

Very important things, and Aqua waits until Helen's gone and the door's shut before she sets about doing anything much. She might be sort of okay with the presence of other people, but it seems quite rude to explore the room she's been given with someone lurking over her shoulder.

Once she's satisfied that she isn't going to be bothered, the first thing she does is go check the windows, not because she's curious about the view (although it serves to drive home that this isn't a world she knows) but because she wants to see if they'll serve as a back up way out of the room if she needs one. Unfortunately, the answer is no, or at least, not without a good deal of collateral damage and that's not really how she wants to repay Helen for her kindness.

That done, she turns to thoroughly exploring the rest of the room. If she's to stay here, she'd like to know what she's been given and what sort of things are available to her without leaving the room. She'll leave on her own in time, but best to start small for now.

It's only once she's finished exploring the room that she finally settles warily on the edge of the bed. It's high time she took a moment to simply sit and think after all.

A broken window would hardly be the worst damage the Sanctuary had ever experienced. It certainly wouldn't compare to a hole in the wall. However, Helen doesn't push Aqua and it's hours later before she returns to the room with a tea cup in hand, a small offering to help before she offers to show Aqua where the kitchen area is. Knowing there's a high chance Aqua may well be asleep, she's quiet as she approaches, softly knocking at the door.

"Aqua?" Her voice is just as quiet as her knock, clearly not wanting to disturb her newest charge if the woman would rather be left alone.

She's not asleep. Though the room she's offered is miles ahead of where she's been staying for the past ten years, she still isn't anywhere near comfortable enough to actually sleep. Part of that might be due to the fact that she's been so long without a bed to call her own that even the idea of one seems more than a little bizarre, but it's just as likely that it's curiosity that's keeping her up.

The knock does startle her out of her own thoughts though. It's only natural, she supposes, for her thoughts to turn to the friends she's left behind, but that doesn't mean she misses them any less and she makes sure that her Wayfinder is once again tucked away before she answers.

"Come in."

Helen pushes the door open slowly after she's given the okay to do so, taking it easy so as not to startle the young woman. She remains in the doorway, holding out the cup of tea.

"I thought I might bring you something warm to drink and directions to the kitchen if you were awake for it."

The first day and night in a strange place are always difficult and she can't blame Aqua for not having slept. Sometimes just the simple act of resting is better than even sleeping.

Aqua's used to strange places by now, but that doesn't change that new places can take a while to get used to. Honestly, up until the Realm of Darkness, she hadn't ever really spent very long in any given world.

She blinks at the offer and then nods, as she carefully climbs off the bed.

"Thank you. It's much appreciated."

Helen hands over the tea, remaining in the doorway for the moment. The last thing she wants to do at this point is intrude on Aqua's space. She's a resident for the moment, someone seeking sanctuary, and as such, she's privy to privacy and safety, both of which would be compromised if Helen moved any further in without being invited.

The kitchen directions aren't hard and Helen's even taken the time to write them down on a slip of paper, which she also hands over.

"I know it isn't likely the best time yet and I don't make a habit of inquiring after personal affairs with the residents, but your case is unique in many ways. My only question for you, at the moment, is if there is any possible way you know of that you could have bypassed our security measures." By all rights, if she'd teleported in, she should have been dead, destroyed by the EM shield. "If it's too much to think about at the moment, I can return another time. I'd just like to know if there's anything you can think of that would have moved you so easily and without harm."

There's a moment of silence, as Aqua stands there with the tea and the slip of paper. She doesn't really know how she got there, much less what sort of security measures the Sanctuary has, but she can make a few estimated guesses, given the circumstances. Whether or not she wants to or even should make mention of them is another question entirely, and it's only after a pause that's long enough to begin to be awkward that she finally offers a hesitant nod.

"I... might have an idea."

Why and how, and even for what reason are facts that she doesn't have, but even an idea is better than nothing at all, and it's only really as a second thought that she realizes that the conversation is probably better had when they aren't lurking in the doorway.

"Ah, would you like to come in?"

Helen is willing to wait if she needs to, only shifting slowly towards leaving the room just before Aqua speaks again. "If it's too personal, it can wait." She doesn't want to frighten the young woman. At the moment, her concern is for the safety of her other residents, but it can wait for just a little longer.

"Thank you." She does step inside, moving to prop the door mostly closed. She doesn't shut it completely, mostly so Aqua won't feel as though she's being cornered. That won't do at all. Helen simply moves to take a seat in a chair on the other side of the room so there's plenty of space for both of them.

"My concern is the safety of everyone who lives here. If there's something that can bypass our security measures, I need to know it so we can prevent something similar or at least have a better chance of stopping the wrong people from using it."

She knows her security systems aren't fool-proof, but they're at least damn close and she wants to keep them functioning.

It's not terribly personal. It might take a certain amount of explaining, but that's to be expected, when there's a new world that she knows nothing about. It's perhaps a bit inconvenient, but there's nothing for it now.

Thus, she waits until Helen has settled into one of the chairs before she settles down similarly - though she makes sure there's a good amount of room between them. The last thing she wants is to be grabbed unexpectedly.

"I know it wasn't anything I did. But... there are portals people can sometime travel through back home. I suppose I must have just sort of found one."

At least Helen won't judge her for it nor will she ask too many personal questions about it. She just wants to protect her residents. That's all. And she certainly doesn't blame Aqua for keeping the distance between them. It's to be expected.

"Are these tied to a specific ability or a certain place? Are they used for anything other than providing a means of transport?"

Can they be detected or are they running on good faith that someone who wishes harm on the Sanctuary won't use it?

Regrettably, Aqua doesn't have quite the answers Helen might want. Master or no, it's not like she's done a whole lot of study into how to travel between the many and various worlds, and less about the darkness itself. Unless, of course, wandering around in the darkness counts, but she isn't going to count it as research.

"I don't think anyone's going to find the one I used. Ah... assuming there was one, anyway."

That much, however, she doesn't want to dwell on, and she turns her attention to what little she does know of travel between the worlds.

"Ah... and I'm pretty sure most people wouldn't have been arriving where I did."

"Is there any way we can track them or prevent another from forming within the walls of the Sanctuary?"

That's her main concern, really. She pauses for a moment, knowing that it likely feels as though she's berating the young woman for something that likely wasn't her fault. It's something Helen needs to know, something that could prove vital to the protection of her residents and staff.

"I'm responsible for countless lives within these walls. This place was built as a Sanctuary, a refuge for any who might need it." It's the first she's really spoken of what she does. "Perhaps this portal deposited someone benign on our doorstep, but I can't take the chance that someone who means harm to us may find another one. Something similar happened not long ago and the results were nearly catastrophic."

"It's not that," Aqua begins, rather unhelpfully. "It's just..."

There's another pause as she weighs the benefits and drawbacks to actually given everything its proper explanation and after a moment she decides that she probably owes that much of an explanation if nothing else. It's not going to be easy, and there are some things that she still isn't at all inclined to mention, but maybe she can get away without mentioning those? It's worth a try, anyway.

"It's called the Realm of Darkness," she begins. "Where I came from, I mean. It's not somewhere people live. It's not somewhere people should want to live either."

She can say that now, after nearly ten years in the shadows of the world, never seeing the faces of her friends, or knowing the gentle touch of sunlight. It's a cold existence, a realm of shadows and necessary violence, and she's only sorry to see it behind her because she expects to end up back there at some point. (It'll be worse too, for that she's known something other than the dark and cold.

"Other than that, I think portals usually need you to have an... idea of where you're going."

Helen takes all of this in with silent interest. She's certainly curious about what this "Realm of Darkness" is all about and where it exists, but that might be something for another time. At the moment she simply listens, taking in what Aqua is saying... and what she isn't.

Sounded like Aqua wasn't supposed to be there, that she just found herself there and then arrived here by one of those portals. It doesn't sound like a particularly pleasant place, either, not one Helen would like to see and not one anyone should ever be forced to live in. Maybe that would explain why Aqua seems so tired.

For a moment, Helen remains quiet, weighing the options of whether or not she believes this short explanation. The young woman isn't setting off any bells for Helen -- there's definitely a lot she isn't saying, but that's to be expected -- so there's little reason for Helen to dismiss her story fully. She'll take it into consideration and make certain their security systems can trace anything out of the ordinary, but for now she'll take the story as truth, as much as she's going to get at the moment.

"Thank you." It's small, but heartfelt, her tone belying the fact that she knows there's more to it and understands the need for some details to be kept close to the heart. She'll never press for personal details, just for the important things to keep her Sanctuary safe.

She stands shortly after, her intent on heading for the door, but she pauses and turns slightly to face Aqua, her hand on the door. "You'll be under our protection for as long as you remain here. You have very little to worry about within these walls and I hope you can find time to rest." Time and a willingness to do so. She knows what it's like to be unable to rest for worry and fear. "Perhaps in the future, you'll be willing to join me in the courtyard. I think it might do you some good."

Edited 2013-02-21 20:34 (UTC)

Helen would be perfectly correct in guessing that Aqua hadn't really been meant to be there. She'd been running desperation, and the last little be of hope that one of them - just one of them! - could be free to have another chance, and stand outside the shadow that had fallen over their lives. She'd done what she could, and when she couldn't save them both, she'd done the next best thing.

(Ten long years in darkness may have been a poor reward for such things, but it was her choice and the only thing she'd seen that had at least some hope that it didn't all have to end in shadows.)

She doesn't mention this, though. Her decisions, and why she'd made them, are far too personal to share just yet. Perhaps when she becomes more familiar with Helen and the Sanctuary, but for now, they'll stay locked up tight, just as the few good memories she has are. Instead, she offers a nod at Helen's words. It'll take her some time to get used to being in the world once again, but she can have that time, now.

"Thank you. And maybe later."

Right now, she's more interested in staying right where she is. But in time ... that she may be able to do.

Helen simply nods in response. "Of course. Take as long as you need." And then she's gone, closing the door softly behind her.

She gives Aqua as much time as she needs, only disrupting her peace once a day or so to check to be sure she's doing all right. It's a quick conversation each time, worth very few words and only as much as to show that Helen really has her best interests at heart and Aqua isn't some homicidal maniac bent on taking down her Sanctuary.

A week passes in similar fashion and eventually one evening Helen takes her place up on the highest tower of the Sanctuary, a place where she can think as she needs to. The wind whistles in her hair, blowing past her and stealing her breath, comforting her even as it leaves her unable to breathe. Her mind is on other things, trouble with the governments, things with a new group of Hollow Earth Abnormals, and her body radiates tension. Will is angry because she won't tell him things and he doesn't like being in the dark, yet she can't let anyone in on her secret. No one can know. Not yet.

And so she's up there at the moment, as her whole staff knows well, trying to gather herself back up and figure out how long all of this is going to last.

Aqua spends most of the intervening week alternately burying herself in the library and exploring what part of the Sanctuary she has access to. She's still far more quiet then some guests might be and not terribly inclined to talk to people for very long, but a little of a skittishness begins to wear off. She's still more afraid than she knows how to admit that the darkness will call her back, and the duties she should be getting back to still weigh on her mind but she isn't about to worry other people with that, even after spending a week with them.

It's only chance that brings her up to the highest tower of the castle. Chance, and the fact that she's used to castles, and used to climbing up to the highest point to sit and think, or alternately to simply have a look out at the scenery below.

She's not really expecting to find anyone else there, though, and she hovers for a moment on the threshold before she decides she may as well come out anyway. Sometimes a moment of comfortable silence is all that is really necessary, and so she steps up to come stand next to Helen. If conversation happens, she won't mind, but she's just as willing to stand in silence.

For a while, Helen is content to simply stand there on the ledge. She knows Aqua is there nearly the moment she arrives, having heard the door creak a little as it opens. The only thing she doesn't know is who has come to see her. At least not until Aqua joins her.

She takes a few deep breaths of the air, letting her eyes slide shut as she contemplates how long to let things just stand there. It's nice to be able to share space with someone without feeling as though conversation absolutely must follow. Even so, Helen is curious about this young woman and she wants to be sure Aqua knows she is welcome here.

"I often come up here when I need to think," she murmurs finally, her voice soft as she gazes across the city. "It makes for a wonderful view. Old City stretching out in front here and New City behind." Both were impressively large and she loved them equally. "It isn't often someone joins me."

Aqua is perfectly content to wait while Helen thinks. Silence has been her constant companion for some time now, and the sort of silence shared by two people is far nicer then the cold silence that lurks in the darkness. Besides, the view is quite lovely, even if the cities mean less to her than they do to Helen.

"It's a good place to think," Aqua agrees, with a nod. It's out of the way, and sometimes it's nice to have something to look out at while one thinks. "But I can leave, if you wanted to be alone."

"Oh no," Helen answers immediately, giving Aqua a gentle smile for a moment before she returns her gaze to the view. "I've had more than my fair share of being utterly alone. You're welcome to stay as long as you want."

A hundred and thirteen years of not being able to allow herself to be close to anyone for fear of upsetting the timeline had changed her. She is still a woman who thrives on doing things herself, but now she's got the added issue of always feeling alone. Because of her age, her passion, what she's done in the past, and what she knows will come to the future, she is alone. Because of what she cannot say to another living soul, she has grown used to being alone. Even having another person in the room with her will never completely banish that feeling.

"It's not easy, is it?" Aqua offers after a moment, although she doesn't turn to look at Helen. It's easier if she lets herself believe that she's just talking to thin air (that coincidentally happens to contain a person). "Being alone, I mean."

True, her ten years pales in comparison to Helen more-than-a-century, but it's still not easy. Not by any stretch of the imagination. That it was a side effect of Aqua's own choices doesn't terribly help either.

But what's done is done. She can't change it, even now that she stands once again in the light.

Helen doesn't reply immediately, not because she doesn't have the answer but because it hits a little too closely to her own thoughts at times. Days have passed where she's very nearly wanted to let someone, anyone in. If Nikola were here, he'd likely be able to pry it all out of her with a little wine and a good talk. But he's not here. He's a long way away from her and the only person here she would think of telling any of it to needs to stay in the dark. It's for his own good in the long run, even though he's angry at her for it.

She takes a deep breath and finally gives a very small shake of her head. "No. Even if it's by your own hand, your own decisions, whether it's a short time or not, it never gets any easier."

Arguments could be made about either of their situations, how being surrounded by people you can't connect to could be just as bad as being completely cut off. A breeze blows by them at that point and Helen closes her eyes, letting her mind rest as much as possible while she breathes in deeply of the calming influence of the wind.

"Either way, you learn to live with it. It's a fact of life, even if you can't quite accept it. Sometimes the hardest part is returning from it."

The breeze makes Aqua think of Ven, and so for a good moment or so she doesn't answer. She's known he's been asleep, but what will it be like for him, to wake into a world ten years later than he'd first fallen asleep? It's a question she can't answer, and though she does her best to put it out of her mind in only sort of works. There's so many, many things she doesn't know, and it almost hurts.

It's worse, too, for the fact that she can't tell anyone. To the best of her knowledge, she's the last Keyblade Master and as such it will fall to her to see that the knowledge doesn't die out entirely and the realms are protected. She's going to be more than a little busy, once she finally gets back to things.

"It is," she answers, after a long moment. "You keep wanting to tell yourself nothing's changed, but it has."

"You could go back in time and watch everything unfold all over again, watch the world change in the same way it did before, and still feel that," Helen murmurs with a soft, weary sigh. "Nothing has changed and yet everything has. It's a duality you'll be forced to live with no matter what happens."

She's speaking honestly, of things that she likely shouldn't be even thinking of mentioning. Aqua has enough to worry about, or so she assumes from what she's heard and seen so far, but the topic began and Helen sees no reason not to be honest when she'd like honesty in return. Besides, it isn't as though she's saying anything her staff doesn't know.

"All you want is to be able to talk to someone, but you can't even begin. They'll never understand what it's like because they haven't lived it." She sighs again. "And you couldn't tell them even if they would understand. Too much at stake."

It's almost as though she's speaking to herself. Or perhaps to the wind around them. She hasn't forgotten that Aqua is there, but it's nice to at least be able to give hints to her true feelings, even if she can't say anything else or isn't sure she can yet.

It means less to Aqua than it would one of Helen's staff. Not that she doubts the truth of Helen's words, but she has no context other than those words; no way to tell if what she's being told now is common knowledge or something only a privileged few know. It makes little difference to how she'll treat what she's told. She's not really one to speak much of what other people have told her even under most circumstances, and this feels... personal. Like it's a moment for just the two of them.

It takes another moment before Aqua speaks again, though she nods at Helen's comments. That sort of thing has been all too real of late, and she doesn't want to think of the loneliness she'll have left Terra to, with both his friends unreachable for various reasons. She doesn't want to think of bright white corridors that keep Ven safe, even if she's long since memorized the way to find him again and can call it up with nothing more than an idle thought. Ten years is too long for anything and this life has hardly been a pleasant one.

"Better to watch the world change than not know how it has," she answers, murmured almost in a whisper, as if she doesn't want to make her suffering sound greater than Helen's or as if it's something she barely wants to even admit to.

Those words seem to hold a note of familiarity to them, as though they speak of Aqua's true experiences. If that's the case, Helen can understand why she's so quiet, why it's taking her a while to deal with whatever happened to her. The older woman glances sympathetically side-ways for the briefest of moments before returning her gaze forward to the city sprawled out around them.

"Sometimes it feels as though I've come back to that," she admits with a soft sigh. There are days where she doesn't quite know how the world governments even got to this point, others where she can recall every little detail. Even so, she can't imagine what it must be like for Aqua, how difficult to wake into a world where she doesn't know anything.

"But I suppose that's the benefit of the Sanctuary. Answers are never too far away."

It's an open invitation for Aqua to ask her any questions she might have, either now or in the future. Helen certainly won't mind.

PSL - Aqua | Helen Magnus ---> weary traveler rest your head

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